It's July already and everyday I'm here I keep thinking about how I can't believe I still live in America. Am I weird in thinking that after seven months I should feel settled? Should I? Or is it normal to still feel like my house is ok to be messy because we just moved in? I feel like apologizing to the managing agents every time they pop round to fix something but clearly they know we haven't just moved in.
The past seven months has been a whirlwind of emotion based on decisions I never thought I'd have to make as a mother or as a 32 year old. I still occasionally feel so childish that I'm seriously not old enough to have two toddlers who are solely dependent on me making decisions that will affect and shape their livelihood. That can't be right. I can't decide most days what to wear, what to do or what to have for dinner. How am I meant to make more meaningful choices for two small kids?
Take my son for example, he's still enjoying day care three days a week, and this month (August)- sh*t it's August, sorry correction for above, I thought it was still July- is his last month at his current private centre. Next month he begins Pre-K in Hoboken which I'm incredibly nervous about. Will loves his school and his teachers and I'm so concerned that moving him from something that he finds so settling will only cause more disruption to his already chaotic three year old life. I sometimes look at him in awe and wander how much of all of this he might remember. I'm sure he certainly won't remember Singapore and all the friends he made there but I wander how much of Hoboken and the US he'll take in.
Since arriving here 8 months ago we've already been to Houston, South Africa, England and Virignia and he's been taken in and put back in school too many times for me to count. I've approached the subject of him now having to attend a different school but I'm not sure he fully understands it yet. His private daycare is lovely. Of course it is, it's private so I pay a lot of lovely money for it to be lovely and well lets just say that the public schools in Hoboken are nice. I'm probably over thinking everything and I'm sure to any three year old it probably won't matter. I'm sure with undivided attention, the opportunity to paint when he wants, toys and 14 other kids to play with he'll be happy. But I can't help thinking that I have the power to make a decision and what if its the wrong one.
Little E on the other hand is another story. I am amazed by her with each passing day. Not to say that William isn't extraordinary in his own way, and for those who know me well - this is NOT me declaring she is my favorite!! (that's a whole other story) but she's exceptional. At 22 months I'm able to take her to a coffee shop, sit her in a normal chair, order her food from a menu - which can contain any number of vegetables and which she'll eat, and have a conversation with her about what we've done and what's going on around us. She's the most amusing thing I have going on these days. She can make me smile by just looking at me and when she opens that mouth of hers I'm honestly amazed at what comes out. I don't remember William talking as much at this age -with the ability to understand and remember. Little E has moved from parrot talking to stringing sentences which everyday astounds me.
Only today she picked up a toy microphone and sang the whole two verses of Old MacDonald whilst trying to dance. Sadly she seems to have got her moves from her dad as well.
I fear with speech however comes attitude. I am faced with "No mommy, Emma will do it' often followed five minutes later by 'Help Mommy, Emma can't do it' and "Yay, Mommy did it' and quite often she'll walk over to me with a cup in hand and say ' Emma water please, Get up mommy. Up Mommy.' Which she'll repeat parrot fashion until I do. She's one determined, strong willed little girl who certainly knows most days what she wants to wear and what she's going to do. But I think she's a LOT like me. Maybe that's why I love her so much.
After our month long vacation in England and Virginia beach this past month I had the pleasure of dropping E off at day care today for the first time only for her to throw such a tantrum she managed to kick her teacher in the face. Let's hope tomorrow will be better.
This week I have the joy (and I mean that in the least sarcastic way) of house hunting. We have decided that despite job uncertainty and what ever else life might throw at us, we want to live in Hoboken for the forceable future and so might as well look to try give our kids one thing I've wanted since before they where born. Our own home. House hunting however only brings more and more decisions I'm likely to have to face, which I'm feeling slightly overwhelmed by already and I don't even know what they are. I'm clearly problematic.
I am looking forward to poking my head into other peoples lives for a bit and I do love nesting so will keep you posted.
I have managed to take tiredness these days to an all new extreme level. Only recently on our drive back from Virginia beach, after being behind the wheel for over eight hours with a husband and two chatty, noisy kids in the back, I was honestly delirious. I had never felt that exhausted before. I forgot it was eight hours behind the wheel interspersed with two hours at Chucky Cheese! Anyway, driving along the Pulaski skyway heading back into Hoboken with the beautiful Manhattan skyline ahead of us, I swerved the car unexpectedly, luckily escaping impact with anything to the right of me only to avoid a monkey. Yes, monkey. A monkey on a busy motorway over a bridge in the middle of a city. OK. So it was actually a brown paper bag with a few loose ends but I honestly seriously thought it was a monkey. I should have stropped driving at that point. Yesterday, although I wasn't seeing wildlife or anything else strange as such, I was borderline over the limit again and found myself talking to myself for nearly an hour before Pete arrived home from work only to realize I was alone.
I never used to be an insomniac but with the kids sharing a room and the noise that Hoboken provides us, I have found that since moving to the US I am becoming an increasingly frequent night owl. I would happily sit up till 1am knowing that If I went to bed then and woke up two hours later it would be 3 and then it meant I could get up as it was only 3 hours till light. God help me in Winter. I might need to invest in some relaxation therapy.
Saying that its almost 1am now and I should take myself off to bed. Till next time. x
No comments:
Post a Comment