1 down, 364 to go.. lets see if I can stick to them

Happy New Year everyone and happy holidays as they say here.


I remember new year 2011 so well. I was sitting by my bedroom window in Singapore watching the fireworks over Marina Bay feeding Emma (who was only 2 months old) thinking how fast 2010 had come and gone. Does pregnancy do that to you? Fast forward one year and I'm in a new country looking out a different window watching 1.5 million people watch fireworks. Our serviced apartment might be in the centre of it all in Times Square but sadly the view from our window didn't quite live up to it. And as I welcomed in 2012 (alone) sitting watching the crowds of New York go crazy I thought how 'long' 2011 seemed. Does picking up your life and moving to the other side of the world do that to you?
I spent about an hour sitting watching the crowds thinking about all the new years resolutions I was going to make and try keep. 
1) Cannot hide behind trakkie b's and hoodies eating pancakes pretending its ok to be a bit chubby because I have kids and its Christmas. Must get off the couch and exercise more often. Most important resolution NOT to be broken!


Tomorrow is already the 2nd January-yeah!-which means we only have 8 days before the new lease on our apartment starts and 3 till our shipping supposedly arrives.
We have found a really lovely place to live in Hoboken New Jersey. It's a 10 minute walk to Path Station (one of Hoboken's train stations) which is a 12 minute train ride to 34th street station mid town Manhattan. It's not the suburban mansion I'd dreamt of with a space for my massive Jeep and acres of land for my 3 dogs and 2 cats but its got a a good garden, deck, outdoor and indoor jacuzzi and Hoboken has the most amazing view of New York. There are also 7 irish pubs between the train station and our house and 3 nursery schools within a 10 minute walk so we're all winners. And there's plenty room for visitors.  . 


Last week after the in laws left I experienced a slight melt down. Slight, ok serious melt down. 
I hate this blog to seem like my on-line therapy but I need to be honest. I guess I never really realistically thought about how time consuming two kids and a household for four could be, as well as how lonely it might be not knowing anyone or having any family around, before we moved. 
I don't think we made the wrong decision moving here but I think I should have thought a bit more about how it might have affected my life. Maybe if I hadn't had this preconceived notion that it would be magical and that the kids and I would wander the streets exploring everyday before coming home to me cooking them a lovely dinner and singing them to sleep, then I probably wouldn't be feeling this down. I should have known that it would be this shit.
I spent 2 days crying feeling sorry for myself and hating the world and everything in it including the kids. 
Then I realised how pathetic that sounded and how stupid I am. I am living in New York City - in Manhattan, with two healthy gorgeous children and a generous husband and I should be grateful for everything I have. 
2) Be grateful for the things I have and less annoyed because I haven't yet got to achieve the things I want. 


I sometimes wonder what goes through little E's head. Last night we put her to sleep as normal around 7.30pm only for her to scream for about 45 minutes before we decided to take her out again. (Control crying doesn't really work in serviced apartment living) I know there has been a lot going on so I'm not so fussed about sleep routines at the moment. Pete and I were sitting on the couch eating dinner so we plopped her between us, fed her rice, gave her 2 teaspoons of calpol and honestly I've never seen her go so loopy. She was running from one side of the room to the other giggling to her self, picking up toys and laughing at them, dancing in circles and doing very weird almost praying type poses that just made us laugh. How could we be mad with someone so cute? She happily stayed up till just past 10. William slept through the whole thing. William would sleep through anything. 
I cant decide who's easier to look after, him or her. For one, William sleeps, William can understand me, he sits still and watches TV, will occasionally co-operate and very very occasionally feed himself his limited choice of food. 
Emma on the other hand eats anything, doesn't strop as much, doesn't talk back to me, not great with sleeping but my God, doesn't f-ing ever sit still- I cannot get her to sit down and watch TV for 5 seconds. She follows you to the bathroom, to the shower, to the washing machine, to the front door, she's like an annoying little dog when you're in the kitchen trying to cook dinner and she just wants to fiddle with everything. Lucky she's cute. 


We have realised and accepted that once we move and settle in Hoboken we can't afford to hire a nanny. Once my work visa has been processed we might think about it, but even then we can't hire one without me having a job and I cant get a job without having one. So we started googling schools. There are at least 10 nursery schools in a one mile radius of our house. There is even one two doors down. But again, without me working it's an additional expense that we just don't think we should pay for. 


Well, that was until my slight serious melt down last week. I guess when you're Pete and you get a phone call from your wife telling you that your son needs to go to a nursery school or boarding school or reform school or band camp five days a week otherwise..(I cant bring myself to repeat what I think I said I might do) , you start to reconsider the schooling budget. 
So we're seeing a school on Thursday for William to go 5 days a week 8-3. But suddenly I feel sorry for him. He'll feel like he's being punished and I'll hate dropping him off every morning and then keeping little E. He'll think we're off to drink baby chinos and have fun without him. And then I'm stuck with little E all day. Little E who doesn't sit still, who wont let you shower or pee in peace and who hates sleep. Maybe I should be dropping her off and keeping Johnny Drama. Who is easier to look after? Then I remember they're MY kids and I should love being with both of them. 
3) Appreciate the joys and happiness my children bring to my life and stop complaining about the time I have to spend with them. 


Other than that I need to...


4)Declutter my life. I have to stop buying and collecting things that might one day look good in a house I don't yet own. 
5)Stop buying toys. My kids do not need anymore toys. FACT
6)Keep in touch with all my friends and family and try be the best mother, sister, wife, daughter and friend I can be. 


And I think that's it. If the world is going to end this year I better make it a good one.


Happy New Year everyone.x

They drive me crazy...

I wish I had it in me, but I just don't. I cannot be a full time mother. As much as I love my kids, and I do- very very much!, they are driving me crazy. And it's only been a week on my own. Not even. I'd like to meet a full time mom who loved her role as full time mom more than anything else. I know there are some of you out there. Maybe if you told me what it is you do that makes 'it' bearable it would help me understand how to deal with my two terrors 24/7 and appreciate this time a bit more. I honestly have good intentions. I even bought playdoh and art and craft materials last week to paint and make Christmas decorations with William. Emma seems content sitting on the floor eating fishies most of the day. Yet when it comes to actually doing things neither cooperate and eventually one starts crying, the other throws a strop and we all end up annoyed. Me more than them. 

This morning Johnny Drama was throwing fits before he even got out of bed. I understand that moving country must be a shock to them and that maybe this is his way of dealing with change, but it would be so much nicer if I wasn't around to witness it ALL day. 

Yesterday was one of the coldest days I have ever experienced in my 31 years. We set out really early (to avoid the New York last weekend before Christmas crowds) to get some last minute Christmas presents but twenty minutes into our walk both kids had hibernated into a complete state of shock and I could hardly feel my legs. It was 22 deg fahrenheit;  -5 deg celsius. WTF? Seriously? And that was in the sun. We found Bloomingdales (which I have to say is not one of my favourite stores) bought a few North Face jackets for the kids and came home for the rest of the day. Trying to entertain two small children in a very small non baby friendly serviced apartment with limited toys is proving quite hard. I hope Pete's company understand and appreciate my children's creativity and their crayon drawings all over the walls, fridge door and TV. Would I cope better in my own space or should I resign myself to the fact that I just don't like looking after my kids all day? Does that make me a bad mother? and a bad person? 

I am looking very very deep for inspiration and calmness, to remind myself that they are beautiful small human beings who probably know nothing of what's going on at the moment and that I should be more understanding to their vulnerability, but amongst the bread sticks, broken toys, fruit loops hiding in the carpet, continuous repeats of Fireman Sam and the annoying repetitiveness of me shouting 'Don't do that' I cant seem to remain a nice person. 

I want to explore this beautiful city but I know that as soon as I've layered each of them up, packed the pram, got myself together and out the door I'll regret leaving the warmth and comforts of the apartment with two needy children who do not enjoying sightseeing as much as me. 

Big big Sigh! 

Maybe I should put it down to Monday blues, missing my home comforts, family and friends. Tomorrow will be better. 

I used to live in Singapore...

We made it! We're finally here! 

It's still a bit surreal. I've been trying to post this since we arrived on Saturday but between jet lag, adjusting to the cold, exciting shopping trips to Macy's, exploring our neighbourhood (near Times Square) and housework I've been slightly distracted.

I'm so glad that the last ten days of packing, moving, goodbyes and the dreaded 19 hour flight are finally behind us. I never want to do that again. 

When we first moved to Singapore four years ago I loved the concept of living an expat life, being a tai-tai and traveling Asia. I never thought about the downsides especially the goodbyes once our time was up. Saying goodbye to my friends and to a city that I had grown to call home was the hardest thing I've ever had to do. I cried the whole way to the airport. 


So a brief breakdown of the past 6 days...
The 19 hour flight was bearable- actually the first few hours were quite fun. You just gotta love business class. I'm not sure if it was the blood shot eyes, the 17 suitcases we were carrying or the fact that Emma was just being her usual cute self but upon arriving at the business class lounge we were quickly ushered aside to the First Class Private Room. 10am in the morning and champagne, Tiger Beer and as many cookies as my kids have probably every dreamt of, on tap. It was a really lovely way to say goodbye to Singapore.
As much as I loved being in business class and enjoyed the champagne, fillet steak with mustard crust, boiled veges and endless yummy chocolate, cheese and red wine, flying with kids in business class is just not the same. We tried to order kids meals prior to our flight- turns out the system didn't work so Will and Emma where left with the same food options as us, which also included Lobster thermidor; steak tartar or tuna tataki. William ate six bread rolls, Emma nine. Easiest $14000 Singapore airlines ever made. 

We arrived at Newark airport at 5pm Eastern Standard Time (?) and I couldn't believe it was dark already. What? Why did no one tell me it was just like the UK with days beginning at 8 and ending at 4? It came as a shock to the system, as did the 2 deg wind that hit us in the face stepping out the airport building. I did laugh at the time as both Will and Emma burst into tears at exactly the same time. 


It's been five days since we got here and it feels like weeks. There are so many things I'm completely overwhelmed by. I forgot how moving country just seems to take over your life. In a nut shell : 
- double prams (strollers/ carriages) don't fit through doorways in New York
-Santa Claus at Macy's now knows William would like a biscuit for Christmas
-Macy's is the largest store in the world yet doesn't sell prams/carriages (not convinced)
-House hunting with 2 kids in tow is NOT fun
-Order a brownie in America and you get six.
-Times Square after mid day is impossible to walk around
-Duane Read sells everything
-Housework is completely overrated
-Central Park is awesome
-Two people today asked me if I was the nanny
-Need to learn fahrenheit to celcius conversion before I give my kids hypothermia
-I must remember not to leave paint pots close to the stove when trying to cook dinner
-Must not get into a habit of putting on my pj's at 3pm just cos they're warm and comfy 


Today was Pete's first day in the office and at 8.30pm he's still not home. Bit of a change to Singapore when he strolled in the door before 7 most evenings. Tonight's also the first night since we got here that I've managed to stay up past 6pm. Pity I've had no one to talk to. It's been a great first half week here but I am really missing all my lovely friends.


More news to come soon...