As I was packing quite anxiously, yet excitedly yesterday morning for my five day trip to London without the kids I received a text message from my husband simply saying,
Sorry P
(P being short for princess). I was confused. Sorry for what? I racked my brain for things I thought he'd done wrong that morning before rushing out the door to work. Nothing came to mind. So I typed my reply,
Sorry for what?
and then I remembered...
Amidst my excitement at leaving housework and the kids for a long weekend to see friends and family in London and enjoy the only business class flights I would have ever take without the kids, we where slap bang in the middle of one very big ugly cloud of uncertainty regarding my husband's job. It was rumored that a large number of people where going to be let go this week from his firm and yet despite joking about it, we never really thought it would happen to us. I mean seriously. The company had recently just paid almost a quarter of a million dollars to relocate us from Singapore to the USA. They wouldn't really let him go would they? We'd only be here 9 months....
Oh yeah?.... in the cut throat world that is banking, no body gives a f*k about anybody but themselves. (ok, so that's my opinion) And so after 9 years service and a million and one hours (and that's probably just since we've moved to the US) I find I have a husband at home. A victim of the global financial crisis.
I didn't get a reply from my text message. Instead I got a phone call to say,
'I'm on the 10.45 ferry, beer in 30 minutes?' FU*************K! NOOOOOOO!
I am obviously upset for him. He's lost his job, the certainty he had about how to provide for our family, the routine he's had for the past 14 years. Yes, it must be odd, but I feel like there is so much more than that.
This year has thrown everything its got at me. Moving country, dealing with being alone and taking responsibility for my children for the first time ever, adjusting to American culture, coping with being a single parent whilst my husband worked 72 hour weeks, leaving my husband, dealing with separation, reuniting, counseling, moving the kids out of school, putting the kids back in school and finally last month settling William into pre-K and buying a house. I kept thinking no wonder I'm not settled. Maybe come December when we finally take the keys to our new house and move into our first family home things will be better. Maybe.. or maybe not. So just when I thought the cloud of doom had finally lifted.... another shitty hand.
Who knows what happens now. I cancelled my flight to London and began thinking of everything that might change in the next few months. We've had to pull out our house sale and rethink everything we've been planning. It's only been a day with Pete at home but already I sense William knows something is up. He's moody and acting up and for the first time ever screamed and kicked his teachers when I dropped him off at school this morning. We haven't told him daddy wasn't going to work and we haven't told him we're not moving into the nice new house he keeps going on about (it surprises me what a 3 year old remembers) yet he seems to know. Cant wait to tell him we're leaving the country and his friends... again!!
I'm teary eyed now just thinking about having to leave the US and Hoboken. It's been a hellish 9 months, yes I've had to deal with more drama than I can imagine but I love it here. In 9 months I love Hoboken and New York more than I ever did Singapore and I just can't imagine being made to leave. Pity it's not up to me.
