Awww, how romantic.
Ok, yes I agree, nothing ever seems straightforward and I am prone to the odd melodramatic performance but isn't every marriage like this? Its true to say in my life, when it rains, it pours.
If moving to a new country with two toddlers, leaving all my friends and comfortable life behind wasn't enough oh I know what, I'll go rupture a stomach muscle and get me an umbilical hernia. Yes, that sounds fun.
Hernia is one of those words that just sounds odd. Kind of like the word blog.
Pete asked after my appointment with the surgeon this morning if I was able to keep it. Keep it? Um, what? Not sure he realises it's not gallstones. So, for anyone else who is slightly confused, to save you time having to google it, a hernia (umbilical that is) is basically a protrusion formed from the inner lining of your belly (abdominal cavity) that pushes through a hole in the abdominal wall (muscle tear) at the belly button. It turns out that hernias are fairly common especially in woman after pregnancy. I (apparently) developed mine in December due to stress and a change in my lifestyle activities. That made me laugh. Change in my lifestyle activities - ie; actually parenting, bathing my kids, feeding my kids, pushing my kids up and down New York City in a pram all day, bending over and tidying toys, cleaning up mess and doing housework. Yes, there was definite change. Paybacks a bitch.
We got up this morning, dropped William off at school and then headed to Hoboken's Bariatric clinic where I had an appointment to see one of New Jersey's leading general surgeons. My appointment was scheduled for 9.20am. 9.30 with the offices still locked I decided to give them a call. Tuesday appointments are run from their Springfield office near Millburn, New Jersey, a 40 minute drive away. Thanks for telling me that.
Four hours, one very expensive taxi ride and three Drs later I was signing my life away, filing out insurance claim forms and agreeing to pre-assesment tests for surgery scheduled for this Friday morning. I was not expecting that. Of course I burst into tears.
I'm not sure what to think about another impending surgery. At least the last time I went into hospital a baby came home. This time it's in a wierd town to an unknown Dr and with no family or friends around, I'm nervous to say the least. Nervous, scared, resentful, grateful. Emotional.
Apart from thinking how things will go on Friday I keep thinking at the back of my mind, What next? Seriously? Might it be possible that after the surgery and the supposed month of recovery that I might actually be able to lead a normal life without something else coming up to bite me in the ass?
And Why? Why me? Why now?
I've had some moments of complete darkness, when I'm feeling so sick in the stomach and where I think I hate the world, my life and my luck but thankfully it only takes one look at my two beautiful kids to make me stop feeling sorry for myself and for me to still be grateful for what I've got; the health of my kids, my husband, the house we live in, my family (although absent) and the understanding from Pete and his company to let him have two weeks off to stay at home and help look after us. Without them I don't know what I'd do. I know my mom would do anything to be here to help out next week and I keep going on about being so sad that I have no family around, but then I realise, I do. I overlook that Pete, William and Emma are my family and what matter most to me.
I came home this afternoon from having blood tests and William ran to me at the door, hugged me and said, ' I'm so glad you're home mommy, you're not sick anymore, I missed you I love you so much. Let me kiss you better' That made me cry tears of joy.
What ever I did to deserve this I guess everything happens for a reason. The good side of today. We got to see a lot of the beautiful countryside of New Jersey and I had my first ever ECG, on Valentines Day. Turns out #Ihaveahealthyworkingheart .
So, with a BIG sigh, I'm off to bed.x
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