Happy New Year everyone and happy holidays as they say here.
I remember new year 2011 so well. I was sitting by my bedroom window in Singapore watching the fireworks over Marina Bay feeding Emma (who was only 2 months old) thinking how fast 2010 had come and gone. Does pregnancy do that to you? Fast forward one year and I'm in a new country looking out a different window watching 1.5 million people watch fireworks. Our serviced apartment might be in the centre of it all in Times Square but sadly the view from our window didn't quite live up to it. And as I welcomed in 2012 (alone) sitting watching the crowds of New York go crazy I thought how 'long' 2011 seemed. Does picking up your life and moving to the other side of the world do that to you?
I spent about an hour sitting watching the crowds thinking about all the new years resolutions I was going to make and try keep.
1) Cannot hide behind trakkie b's and hoodies eating pancakes pretending its ok to be a bit chubby because I have kids and its Christmas. Must get off the couch and exercise more often. Most important resolution NOT to be broken!
Tomorrow is already the 2nd January-yeah!-which means we only have 8 days before the new lease on our apartment starts and 3 till our shipping supposedly arrives.
We have found a really lovely place to live in Hoboken New Jersey. It's a 10 minute walk to Path Station (one of Hoboken's train stations) which is a 12 minute train ride to 34th street station mid town Manhattan. It's not the suburban mansion I'd dreamt of with a space for my massive Jeep and acres of land for my 3 dogs and 2 cats but its got a a good garden, deck, outdoor and indoor jacuzzi and Hoboken has the most amazing view of New York. There are also 7 irish pubs between the train station and our house and 3 nursery schools within a 10 minute walk so we're all winners. And there's plenty room for visitors. .
Last week after the in laws left I experienced a slight melt down. Slight, ok serious melt down.
I hate this blog to seem like my on-line therapy but I need to be honest. I guess I never really realistically thought about how time consuming two kids and a household for four could be, as well as how lonely it might be not knowing anyone or having any family around, before we moved.
I don't think we made the wrong decision moving here but I think I should have thought a bit more about how it might have affected my life. Maybe if I hadn't had this preconceived notion that it would be magical and that the kids and I would wander the streets exploring everyday before coming home to me cooking them a lovely dinner and singing them to sleep, then I probably wouldn't be feeling this down. I should have known that it would be this shit.
I spent 2 days crying feeling sorry for myself and hating the world and everything in it including the kids.
Then I realised how pathetic that sounded and how stupid I am. I am living in New York City - in Manhattan, with two healthy gorgeous children and a generous husband and I should be grateful for everything I have.
2) Be grateful for the things I have and less annoyed because I haven't yet got to achieve the things I want.
I sometimes wonder what goes through little E's head. Last night we put her to sleep as normal around 7.30pm only for her to scream for about 45 minutes before we decided to take her out again. (Control crying doesn't really work in serviced apartment living) I know there has been a lot going on so I'm not so fussed about sleep routines at the moment. Pete and I were sitting on the couch eating dinner so we plopped her between us, fed her rice, gave her 2 teaspoons of calpol and honestly I've never seen her go so loopy. She was running from one side of the room to the other giggling to her self, picking up toys and laughing at them, dancing in circles and doing very weird almost praying type poses that just made us laugh. How could we be mad with someone so cute? She happily stayed up till just past 10. William slept through the whole thing. William would sleep through anything.
I cant decide who's easier to look after, him or her. For one, William sleeps, William can understand me, he sits still and watches TV, will occasionally co-operate and very very occasionally feed himself his limited choice of food.
Emma on the other hand eats anything, doesn't strop as much, doesn't talk back to me, not great with sleeping but my God, doesn't f-ing ever sit still- I cannot get her to sit down and watch TV for 5 seconds. She follows you to the bathroom, to the shower, to the washing machine, to the front door, she's like an annoying little dog when you're in the kitchen trying to cook dinner and she just wants to fiddle with everything. Lucky she's cute.
We have realised and accepted that once we move and settle in Hoboken we can't afford to hire a nanny. Once my work visa has been processed we might think about it, but even then we can't hire one without me having a job and I cant get a job without having one. So we started googling schools. There are at least 10 nursery schools in a one mile radius of our house. There is even one two doors down. But again, without me working it's an additional expense that we just don't think we should pay for.
Well, that was until my slight serious melt down last week. I guess when you're Pete and you get a phone call from your wife telling you that your son needs to go to a nursery school or boarding school or reform school or band camp five days a week otherwise..(I cant bring myself to repeat what I think I said I might do) , you start to reconsider the schooling budget.
So we're seeing a school on Thursday for William to go 5 days a week 8-3. But suddenly I feel sorry for him. He'll feel like he's being punished and I'll hate dropping him off every morning and then keeping little E. He'll think we're off to drink baby chinos and have fun without him. And then I'm stuck with little E all day. Little E who doesn't sit still, who wont let you shower or pee in peace and who hates sleep. Maybe I should be dropping her off and keeping Johnny Drama. Who is easier to look after? Then I remember they're MY kids and I should love being with both of them.
3) Appreciate the joys and happiness my children bring to my life and stop complaining about the time I have to spend with them.
Other than that I need to...
4)Declutter my life. I have to stop buying and collecting things that might one day look good in a house I don't yet own.
5)Stop buying toys. My kids do not need anymore toys. FACT
6)Keep in touch with all my friends and family and try be the best mother, sister, wife, daughter and friend I can be.
And I think that's it. If the world is going to end this year I better make it a good one.
Happy New Year everyone.x
No comments:
Post a Comment